The hyper-focus superpower

If there’s one thing autists tend to excel at, it is hyper-focus – that is, an intense focus on one singular thing for an extended period of time, to the exclusion of all other things (eating, sleeping, social interaction, anything else on our ridiculous and ever expanding ‘to-do’ list).  And you know what? It’s a super-power.  There has been times in my career where I have achieved phenomenal amounts, often with little prior experience.  If I want to I can and will become an expert on a topic within a day.

We are honest and direct

I don’t lie because I’m terrible at it. I can’t keep track of true things, I certainly couldn’t keep track of made-up things, so you’re going to know that what I say is what I mean. I am a member of a mothers group on Whatsapp and recently was messaged something along the lines of “Hi S, if you want to do this thing you can do. Up to you though!”

I… what?

I’m experienced enough now to know that in neuro-typical speak that might mean that that person wants me to do that thing but doesn’t want to outright ask me to do it – but honestly I have no idea!  So I messaged back “Hi. Listen I’m autistic and I’m asking because I don’t know. I don’t want to do that thing. Do you mean that you want me to do that thing? You’ll have to say if so because I won’t be able to guess 😊”.  All this to say, I’m going to tell you what I mean and ask for what I need in language that is very clear.

We are loyal

If I have decided I want to work for you, or be friends with you, or generally be around you, then I really do and you will know it.

You will get a lot more than you pay for

Back to the hyper-focus. The job will get done at any cost, sometimes until I am burned out, but more on that later…

We see things, links and patterns that others don’t, and we will say it

This. I think this is because we don’t automatically see or understand covert, unspoken things which are so often an aspect of neuro-typical living, and we tend to think very logically, so if there’s a pattern to be seen we will see it and say it.  It’s also why I’ve always been naturally very good at Maths and landed in a career in data.

We are innovative and creative through constantly learning new skills and growing into new spaces

I have never been diagnosed or assessed for ADHD but I know that I have many traits which might be described as such – and actually I strongly believe autism and ADHD are two sides of the same coin (more on that another time). So I pick up a lot of hobbies and passions, become very very good at them, and then move onto something else. I play 6 musical instruments to varying degrees of aptitude, and I sing, for example. I have/sometimes also cross-stitched, painted, climbed, I read a lot…

We are compassionate leaders – we have been through it

I think this might be where we’re getting into the territory of autistic women particularly, but after a life-time of successfully masking and observing what is ‘normal’ human behaviour I have developed a fair level of expertise in it. Moreover, I really LOVE people and am fascinated by human behaviour – it’s my special interest if you will. I love getting to know people, understanding what makes them tick (and what really shuts them down), I love interesting people, slightly outside the norm people, extraverted people, introverted people… all of it.

Unfortunately my childhood was marked by a fair amount of bullying (a not uncommon autistic experience) and so I also have a fair amount of insight into people at their worst too. A few years ago I decided I wanted to be a therapist (I didn’t, I just needed therapy) and embarked on a year-long course in a theory of personality and communication known as Transactional Analysis.  I’ll talk more about this another day, but it provides a fascinating insight into how humans communicate and, perhaps more interestingly, fail to communicate.  All this experience seems to have come together to make me a strong and compassionate leader of people (I know this from feedback I have received from people who have worked for me) – because I have been through it!

We are connectors

Because we autistic women are observers, because we see and understand human behaviour, because we also tend to be strong technically, we form very strong bridges from the technical to the non-technical. Because we see patterns we can see where there are gaps, and how they can be filled – and then we go ahead and fill them.

What you will need to accommodate to do that

There are some things you are going to need to accept about us if you want to get the benefit of all the sweet sweet goodness I’ve described above.

• You might need to stop us from time to time to stop us burning out
  • We’re hyper-focused, we’re loyal, after a lifetime of feeling wrong we like praise… you might have to step in from time to time to stop us from burning ourselves out.  The other downside of a lifetime of feeling like an oddball is that we are often very bad at self-care and self-compassion. Many autistic people also report feeling a sense of being disconnected from their own feelings and their own physical experience – their own body almost – which can exacerbate this.

• We are not your admin staff
  • It is not uncommon for women to be expected to pick up admin or team care.  Google it, it’s a thing. We can’t do that, and if you try to make us you’ll lose all the benefit of the hyper-focus I’ve described above. Hire admin staff.

• We are certainly not your social secretary
  • Again, often it’s expected that women will organise social events for the team. If you want a social event in which we all sit around in silence and read books then fine, ask me. Otherwise ask someone else, I’m hyper-focused right now…

• We’re going to need quiet and downtime
  • I’ve spoken about overwhelm before, and will again, but if I am forced in environments of extreme sensory overload and no respite for long periods of time I will shut down. It doesn’t take much to stay on track, but if you give me quiet and space to recharge my batteries you will get me at my very best consistently. Years ago as a young coder I would sit in the office with headphones on much of the time. A boss complained that I wasn’t getting involved in team chat and that bothered him, I tried to explain that I can either chat, OR do my work, but not both

• We’re likely to produce at unsociable hours
  • I have suffered from chronic insomnia all my life – a family trait – and if I can’t sleep I will often work, and because it’s the middle of the night I can hyper-focus to my hearts content and get a lot done. I will however sometimes be tired during the day as a consequence. Let me nap during the day if there is space!  Let me send emails in the night if I want to! You don’t have to do the same! I will be so much more productive.

• We are likely to have unusual quirks – we might dress outside the norm, we might speak or express ourselves outside the norm
  • I don’t understand the mechanics of this and will research it at a later date, but my anecdotal experience is that neuro-typical women tend to have unusual quirks stylistically.  It might be brightly coloured or unusually styled hair or clothing, it might be a fondness for very comfortable clothing, it might be an obsession with unusual shoes (okay that’s my thing solely probably… – I once walked into a door admiring another woman’s amazing shoes).

• There are times that we will seem disengaged
  • I have been told that when I am hyper-focused, or overwhelmed, it can be as if I am not there, and I know that’s true. It will pass if you let it and don’t poke it.

• We will almost certainly tell you something, at some point, that is challenging or hard to hear
  • Bringing all the above together, we see things that others don’t and we say what we think, and we might not appreciate the social etiquette that might stop others from saying what we want to say – often it doesn’t occur to me that what I am saying is challenging until I witness someone else’s reaction to it. It can be an uncomfortable experience, I know.

So what do you think? Is it worthwhile to make some accommodations to reap the benefits described at the top, in a time of severe skills shortage and the great resignation?

Neuro-diverse women, what are your views? Love this? Hate it? What have I missed? I’d love to talk it through, and to learn 😊

*Note: This is all anecdotal based on my experiences and the experiences of people I know who are neuro-divergent. I have not carried out a survey or anything like that… although one day I might do that.